Please pee on my lemons

If you’ve ever listened to Gardeners’ Question Time on Radio 4 you will almost certainly have heard Bob Flowerdew extolling the virtues of human pee as a natural fertiliser. It contains nitrogen, phosphorous and potassium – all those plant-pleasuring goodies you would be buying from your local garden store when you buy fertiliser. They say that men’s pee is best, especially from first thing in the morning when it’s at its most concentrated. In fact you shouldn’t use it neat, but diluted in the ratio of 10:1

If you needed any proof of its virtues, just take a look at my neighbour’s hedge. Guess which part is next to the run-off from the soakaway? Those are all the same type of laurel by the way, planted at the same time in the same soil with the same amount of watering. They should all be dark green if they are getting all the nutrients they need.

So boys (and girls), when you visit, I’d be thrilled if you’d pee on my lemons.